Sabrina Carpenter’s A Nonsense Christmas: All Wrapping and no Heart

Sabrina Carpenter is one of the hottest pop stars around with her summer hit Espresso and she is hoping to use that same tried and true pop structure to hit it big this Christmas. Her latest track A Nonsense Christmas is off her Christmas themed EP Fruitcake and is also the title of an upcoming Netflix Christmas variety show. That’s a lot of Sabrina Carpenter in a short amount of time. Let’s hope it is not over saturation and she can ride her wave of popularity into a solid sophomore record and not a quick Netflix special and a quick burnout. We’ll see if this is too much too fast in time, for now, let’s look at her latest Christmas track.

This is pure pop Christmas. There is absolutely nothing that deviates from the Christmas pop rulebook of 90s R&B 4/4 beats, sleigh bells, drum machine and overly produced backing vocals. Think of the sound that comes to mind when I say “Christmas pop song played on top 40 radio”…yep…it sounds just like that. Now, saying that this is exactly what you would expect, and is more traditional than Sabrina would like to admit, is not a bad thing. I don’t want experimental jazz and Tom Waits noise music for my Christmas track. I have egg nog to drink and a tree to decorate! I want to be comfortable, joyful and feel those Christmas vibes. Musically, this song delivers on everything you want in a Christmas song and you will not be disappointed. Where this song will disappoint you is when we get to the lyrics.

Lyrically is where Sabrina moves more towards spiked egg nog and away from the kids’ table. There are endless Christmas puns about sex, penis size and hooking up, which are mixed in with more heart felt romantic verses about Christmas. Now, romance at Christmas is as old as time…countless Christmas pop tracks and Hallmark Channel movies are based on that theme. And why are the Hallmark movies always about saving a bookstore or something…I digress. The song works when she is focussed more on romance, but the puns get tiresome. There are puns about her stockings being on the floor, big balls, Christ-smash, having a big Christmas sack, a package too big to wrap…and so on. At times it feels like Christmas themed Mad Libs done by 13 year old boys, which was disappointing.

Having said all of that, Sabrina’s vocal is enjoyable and the song is largely fun. Where this track doesn’t live up to the countless Kelly Clarkson tracks or the timeless Mariah Carey classic All I Want for Christmas is You is that the puns and euphemisms are so over the top the song comes off as gimmicky and that her heart really isn’t in it. This is where the song moves from a fun Christmas pop song to a money grab. Don’t get me wrong, when this song hits it really hits, but it runs out of steam quickly and lacks heart. It’s that lack of heart that will hold this song back and be that fruitcake you find in the fridge four months later and throw out thinking “Why did I get that again?”

Listen to A Nonsense Christmas